Swell.

If I have learned anything these past few years, it is that breast cancer is not all about the pink ribbons, "save the ta ta's" race for the cure. It is about treatments that might kill the cancer cells, but create life long side effects. It's a pistol, this cancer journey.

 I have osteopenia now. In 2 years, I have gone from normal bone density to the brink of osteoporosis. This hurts. I still have over a year of the aromatase inhibitor to take. I will probably have osteoporosis when I am done. My bones ache all the time.

 My liver has, fortunately, healed itself. I do not take supplements other then calcium and iron, and I rarely take Tylenol or any other pain med. I do have to baby my liver, cause there is scarring. If I'm careful, I might avoid lifelong liver problems.

 I did get tired of looking at my wrecked body. My chest looked like wax melting down my body. I made the decision to go through reconstruction. It turns out that has had lifelong repercussions too. 

Prior to that day, I was in really great shape. My weight was down, I was walking about 45 minutes a day. I felt healthy and strong, so it seemed the best time to go through that surgery. It has been much harder to recover then anticipated.

 After a few weeks of lying around, I tried to resume walking. But I found my left arm would ache really bad. I stopped carrying anything for too long with my left arm. Even carrying something light would make it ache. And then the pins and needles started. I have had some amount of tingling in my fingers since chemo. It's not uncommon to develop neuropathy. I sort of just ignore it. But it has gotten progressively worse in my left hand. Between the aching and tingling, it wakes me up a lot at night now. I sort of thought it would go away if I ignored it. Time heals all wounds.

 But lately, I have had times where I can't get my wedding ring off. My hand just swells a bit. So I finally went to my Dr. Who called my oncologist right away. And the two of them agreed I needed to see a lymphedema specialist. Because they think I have lymphedema.

 25% of mastectomy patients who have lymph nodes removed develop lymphedema. The lymph system is too damaged by the removal of lymph nodes (I had 14 removed, I think). Then it is followed by radiation, which damages the remaining nodes (I had 5 weeks of daily radiation). I was doing okay though. My arm was different, but everything seemed stable. No signs of lymphedema. 

Reconstruction seems to have changed things too much. My arm doesn't seem to be able to get rid of fluid as well now. If I walk to long, my hand swells. If I lay down on my left side, my hand swells. If I wake up, drink coffee, kiss Prince Charming and Princess M goodbye, and skip off to work, my hand swells. My arm feels so heavy sometimes, my elbow hurts, and my left hand is asleep even when I am not. Once started, lymphedema can't be cured, only controlled. So now I will start the process to control it. Hopefully they can get the symptoms to go away. That is my goal.

 It's amazing how much the human body can take. But there are limits. And I feel those limits very much right now. I'm just venting. I am grateful I have no signs of cancer. Its been 4 years, and those are years I had to fight really hard to have. I am just bummed that things still keep popping up. 

Friggin' cancer.